Thursday, April 1, 2010

Dr. John "Ozzy" Osbourne Solves Navier-Stokes and Riemann Hypothesis Over Dinner

BIRMINGHAM, United Kingdom (Associated Press, April 1, 2010) - Dr. John "Ozzy" Osbourne, Rock God, Heavy Metalist, Sharon's Husband, Prince of Darkness, Philosopher and Closet Mathematical Physicist, solved both the Navier-Stokes existence and smoothness problem, the last remaining unsolved problem in Newtonian Classical Physics, and Riemann's Hypothesis, last night over dinner. Dr. Osbourne is expected to receive two one million dollar checks from The Clay Institute, as both are Millennium Prizes, once he publishes. To date, only Grigori Perelman has won one for his solution to a stopgap that led to the proof of Poincare's Conjecture. Said Dr. Osbourne regarding his solutions: "Eh eh eh ALcohol opens up the mind."

Indeed.

Pressed for more detail, Dr. Ozzy said "It eh eh it's quite obvious, really, once one when gets in the right frame of mind (burp). Sorry. For Navier, I, eh eh I simply thought of perturbation at the laminar/turbulent boundary regions. Teh teh two boundaries. Muh muh muh most think of only one. Duh duh duh duh ... Duality!

"For Riemann, assuming the first 100 billion solutions are zero, I neh neh neh noted a pattern, I threw some infinities at the problem, then chopped them off, and the answer was trivial. I don't have the mathematics yet, but that's trivial as well once you uh uh uh understand the solution. An afternoon with Dr. Penrose or whomever Dr. buh buh buh Barbour employs to to the detail stuff, should suffice."

And so, once again, England prevails.

Happy April Fools' Day. :-)
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2 comments:

  1. Jérôme ChauvetApril 10, 2010 at 2:14 PM

    Hilarious !... I want more from you like that :))))

    ReplyDelete
  2. Steven ColyerApril 13, 2010 at 5:09 AM

    Thanks. And you'll get more ... on Apr. 1, 2011, when I explain how Dr. Amy Winehouse renormalizes gravity after spending an afternoon in an Amsterdam hash bar. It's less than a year away, be patient. Or maybe Dr. Anne Hathaway will beat her to the punch. We have a race! Much like Hilbert and Einstein with GR, except this time with skirts. :-)

    ReplyDelete