Engineering Jokes

The Downside of Anti-Gravity
Engineer's View of Men and Women

What’s 2+2?

The accountant says, “What do you want it to be?”

The mathematician says, “I believe it’s 4, but I’ll have to prove it.”

The statistician says, “The sample is too small to give a precise answer, but based on the data set, there is a high probability it is somewhere between 3 and 5.”

The engineer says, “The answer is 4, but I’ll have to add a safety factor so we’ll call it 5.”

Sales and Marketing Department

A group of Sales and Marketing personnel are charged with measuring the height of a flagpole outside their office. They soon head outside and start climbing all over each other in their suits and ties trying to get the tape measure to the top of the pole.

Seeing the difficulty the group is having, an engineer that is passing by offers to help. He quickly assesses the situation, lifts up the pole, and removes it from the base. Then he lays it down on the grass and measures it end to end. When he’s done, he puts it back up, gives his measurement to the group and walks away.

After the engineer is gone, one of the marketing guys turns to the group and says, “That’s just like an engineer… We asked for the height and he gave us the length.”

The Lawyer Genie

An engineer bought a shiny brass lamp at a garage sale. After he paid for it, the old woman running the sale took him aside and give him a warning: “This is a genuine genie lamp. Rub it and you will get 3 wishes, but beware… this lamp was designed by a lawyer so whatever you wish for, every lawyer in the world will receive twice over.”

Curious, the engineer took the lamp home and proceeded to make his first wish. “I wish for a Porsche 911.” He went to the window and looked outside. Sure enough, there was a brand new Porsche in his driveway. Then he looked down the street at a lawyer’s house and noticed that there were two brand new Porsches in his driveway.

Not overly concerned, he went and rubbed the lamp again. He said, “I wish for 10 million dollars.” Still confident from his first wish, he was sure he now had $10 million in his bank account and every lawyer in the world now had $20 million.

Not wanting to waste any time, the engineer immediately rubbed the lamp again. For his last wish he said, “I wish I could donate a kidney.”